I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
