We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
Randomize
