There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Randomize
