I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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