i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
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