I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
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