chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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