so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
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