Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
Randomize
