SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
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just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
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Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
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