This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
i think i just naturally attract stoners
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
