I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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