and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
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I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
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I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
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