i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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