What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
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