If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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