no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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