i jhust puked up my retainher.
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
Randomize
