I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
Randomize
