Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
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just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
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