Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
that is very illegal...i love you.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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