For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
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