i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
