Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
Randomize
