I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
The air taste purple.
Randomize
