is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Randomize
