God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
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