if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Randomize
