his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Randomize
