spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
