I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
We talked him into tasing himself.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Randomize
