Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
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Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
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I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
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