i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Randomize
