There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
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Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
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I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
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