Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
I miss vodka workout Fridays
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
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