dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
two words...techno handjob
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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