So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
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