guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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