70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
Randomize
