I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
