i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
