He is like the real live version of the state fair..
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
