we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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