your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
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