I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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