Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
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