Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
That reminds me...we need to get swords
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
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If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
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