They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
Such a big mess for such a small penis
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Randomize
