Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
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