I hate your face
I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
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I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
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