would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Randomize
