wakey wakey hands off snakey
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
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