I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
I need a beard to bite.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Randomize
