found the other keg... it's in the tree
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Randomize
