Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
Randomize
