I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Randomize
