Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
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