I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize
