I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Randomize
