mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
Randomize
