you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Randomize
