i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
I got inside last night via doggy door
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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