Yo dont text me then not text me
Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Randomize
