We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
